05 September 2008

Get Off the Road, I'm Driving!

Some bright comedian once said "Everyone driving faster than me is an idiot and everyone driving slower than me is a jerk."

I UNDERSTAND THIS!

I've driven in some pretty out of the way places. Most of the drivers suck. Saudi Arabia has the worst driven i've ever seen. And i've driven in France and Korea. Compared to these Driving Hells, America is pretty tame and rather polite. Americans usually use their blinkers; they use their lights; they stay off the sidewalks; and most pay attention to the speed limit.

But there are three things Americans simply can't handle.

1. Driving to slowly in the fast lane. How fucking difficult is this to figure out? I swear you can't go on the highway for 10 miles without running up on someone going too slow for the left lane. There's at least 2 lanes, for crying out loud, so move the fuck over. There are even signs all along the Interstate telling you to keep to the right. Let's see, you can remember to use your blinker every time you turn, right? But remembering what the lanes are for, noooo, that's way too hard.

Can't they feel my wrath? An ego is coming, so begone from my sight and allow me to velocitate unimpeded.

2. Parking lots. OK, someone drives into a large parking lot. What's the first thing they do? Look for a parking close to the store? Yeah, probably. But how do they get there? Drive down the well-marked lanes? NO! They immediately cut across the parking lot. WTF! You can see them squeezing between parked cars to get across the lanes, then drive too fast to where they're going. I just don't get it.

3. Stop lights. This is a new one. So there you are, stopped at the light on a two lane street. You see a car in your rear view mirror approaching the light in the lane next to you. You look over to see the car, but it never shows up. Why? Because the person decided to stop an entire car length from the line. What's is this all about? For decades, i've seen people stop at the line when the light's red. For the past few years i've noticed more and more people stopping far from the line. And it's worse if you're behind one these assholes. What's really annoying (aside from the fact that i hate them) is that they're too far away from the magnetic sensor under the asphalt that starts the timing sequence to change the light. So it takes longer than usual for the light to change.

Why are there people on the road with me? I really don't know.

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